I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
