According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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