Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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