just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
