If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
