Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
