just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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