So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
