Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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