it wasn't lemon gatorade
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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