i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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