Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
