You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
