i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
