twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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