Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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