So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You made out with two different species that night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
