what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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