Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
