dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
