If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
