I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
