sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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