Screwed.edu
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
