He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
