I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
