And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
