That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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