What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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