He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
