Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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