yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
