why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Bring me that man meat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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