Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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