conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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