my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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