I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
