I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
