I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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