I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
