ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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