do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
