the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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