wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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