There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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