I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
