i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I party with great urgency now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
