i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
