I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
