So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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